As if I needed proof of my loss, my body is relentlessly reminding me of it every morning. I look in the mirror, and there is less and less. My body is carrying on as normal, the betrayer. How dares it do that to me? Doesn't it know?
I will never forget that empty feeling in my belly as Dan was wheeling me out of the hospital. It was actually, physically empty. Amelia was out, and not in my arms... She had to stay behind... That was the ultimate feeling of my loss. A gap just below my heart, hollowness.
My initial feelings of wanting to get rid of the weight I gained in pregnancy have changed now. This weight, that I so carefully accumulated (flavoured with chocolate and strawberries, and pasta and steak), was meant for Amelia. This is hers, and I am loosing it.