One of the hardest things to accept is how much we are going to miss out on with Amelia. It is interesting how the subconscious mind keeps track of important dates, milestones, family moments. Every such moment that comes and goes without her here with us, we notice, we grieve, we hurt. So far, most of these moments catch us by surprise.
I am learning fast though. Started planning ahead around the dates that I know will be hard, like anniversaries of Amelia's death, then her birth. It is such a crazy concept. How can she die and then be born? The word "born" implies a new life... I never thought that Amelia would be born to live in my broken heart.
The saddest part, for me, is that I will never look her in the eyes and see her looking back at me. I never got to see her eyes... Some days, I wish she lived a day, five days, five years. We would have had so many more memories together, the ones I can only dream of now and forever. Other days, I wonder what if she died much earlier, what if I never met her at all? But then I realise that I'll never trade the moments we had together, she is my precious daughter, always will be. I read about angel babies becoming the only "perfect" children in the family. That makes a lot of sense...
I will treasure these moments forever:
Amelia used to wiggle so much all the time, I thought she was going to poke a hole in my belly :) Her favourite thing to do was to push on my ribs as hard as she could, until I had to push them back so they won't break. I guess she was doing yoga, as well as resistance training! Mommy's girl! She also was very good at telling me if she didn't like something, by hitting the offending spot as hard as she could! and she preferred for me to sleep on my left :)
Missing my girl,