I came across a beautiful video of a family going through loss, so raw and so honest.
The second clip shows the mother crying in her hospital bed, the sounds she made are so similar to mine. The deep cry, the animal howl. I hear it so often when I cry. Hearing another mother's pain validated my own grief and made me feel not alone.
The video also made me feel robbed. They got to take their daughter's body home for one night: they actually got to carry her out of the hospital and take her home. Why couldn't I?
Why could I not take my dead baby home for a few hours? Why could I not take her to the funeral home myself? It's not like I could harm her. It's not like they were trying to save her. It's not like there was someone at the morgue who needed her more than I did.
She is my daughter, yet I was not allowed to spend what little time I had with her. That I will never forget, nor will I ever forgive.